tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8154278353423103464.post7184056562975926388..comments2023-05-15T05:22:25.218-04:00Comments on Remembering Josh: Our School Board Hearing ExperienceEmilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11873051992804750243noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8154278353423103464.post-62949604251007698582009-04-06T00:08:00.000-04:002009-04-06T00:08:00.000-04:00My name is Carl Kingsbury. I have been a Licensed ...My name is Carl Kingsbury. I have been a Licensed Clinical Social Worker for more than 40 years. I have watched the deterioration of our public schools in middle Tennessee. Basically what you see hear is a lack of continuity of services for children who find themselves in trouble with the school system. The school systems accross the country have not seen fit to hire specially trained people to help with problems that take the best of profesional qualificaions. The zero tolerence law is practiced in school settings are far more severe than in most other adult situations. We expect children to respond like adults and they are not adults.<BR/><BR/>I am so sorry for what happened to your son. I was fortunate enough to get my grandchildren in private schools.<BR/><BR/>God Bless You and your family. I pray that you will succeed in striking down Zero Tolerence. Each case needs to be handled by proffessionals with the purpose of helping the child and the family.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8154278353423103464.post-15243578472522402102009-04-01T00:38:00.000-04:002009-04-01T00:38:00.000-04:00First, let me extend my sincerest of condolences t...First, let me extend my sincerest of condolences to you and your family. Please know that Josh's life has touched people he never met, a testament to the wonderful young man he was. So many people are praying that you may find comfort.<BR/><BR/>I thought this might be of interest to you:<BR/><BR/>http://www.apa.org/releases/zerotolerance.html<BR/><BR/>It is a couple of years old but lists that one of the researchers is at UVA.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8154278353423103464.post-90126341922864667142009-03-30T19:27:00.000-04:002009-03-30T19:27:00.000-04:00Sue and Tim: You are not alone. Josh could have be...Sue and Tim: You are not alone. Josh could have been our son, who started at SLHS and ended at Marshall. Our experience is nearly identical to yours. There is a group of us who have been organizing to fight zero tolerance laws. We've left it alone for awhile (fearing retribution against our kids still in FCPS), but it's time to speak out and act up. FCPS, the staff and school board, must NOT be allowed to hide behind privacy laws, dividing and conquering us. We have loads of data (some garnered from FOIA requests) and other information useful in this fight. We will be in touch. Our hearts, minds, souls, and tears are with you. You are not alone.Carolinenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8154278353423103464.post-20292214281256818802009-03-29T21:43:00.000-04:002009-03-29T21:43:00.000-04:00I am glad that you are sharing this kind of inform...I am glad that you are sharing this kind of information. Its very useful to those in the same situation, and even those who are just curious. It is sad that it takes a death for people to realize the way the school-board handles things are insane. In my opinion, the reason for josh's expulsions are not right. He's only a teenager. They make mistakes. And he had a bright future too. Everybody loved Josh. My prayers are with you.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8154278353423103464.post-82988593826341126572009-03-29T09:03:00.000-04:002009-03-29T09:03:00.000-04:00What needs to be remembered is the impact every si...What needs to be remembered is the impact every single decision has on the student, his community, and his family. So many times, the student is treated as just another statistic, just another number on the chart, and just another one to be expelled. I have never in my life experienced a loss like this and it is helping me to realize that with change, there must be a loss... there must be some silence to make sound. It is absolutely inspirational to see that change is coming to the school system, and it gives me hope that Josh really didn't die in vain. I will forever remember Josh, and I will forever remember his situation, but when I remember him, I will also remember what he represents.<BR/>I will remember every family, every student, every girlfriend, every teammate who has had to experience anything like this. And in remembering that I will do whatever it takes to ensure change in the system. I will try my absolute hardest to bring hope to those who need it, and those who don't need it.. and most of all I will remember to treat every single person with the individual attention that they deserve.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8154278353423103464.post-57407198080376760822009-03-27T21:00:00.000-04:002009-03-27T21:00:00.000-04:00I have been deeply moved by this site. I know no ...I have been deeply moved by this site. I know no one here and found the link on a facebook profile of a friend. Before I share my feelings on how schools handle these situations, I wanted to extend my heartfelt sympathy to this wonderful family and their supportive friends who loved this young man very much. My heart breaks for you and you are in my prayers...acquaintenance not required for empathy....I feel your pain and you're not alone in dealing with that pain. I say that, but speaking as a mother, no one loves you like your mother and a mother loves her own, like no other. You're so in my heart dear mother. <BR/><BR/>My son's best friend decided one day, that it was a good idea to take his mothers medication and sell it at school. He sold it to a boy who took it and freaked out after taking the meds and ratted his friend out who he bought it from (my son's friend). It's a private school and I know the policies are very different in a private system....they have zero tolerance policy if you're selling drugs. I agree with that policy...there are no hearings, it's simply done. Over...nothing to talk about. You're out. The school is at risk and kids are at risk when it comes to selling drugs. When it comes to finding drugs on a kid in school, it should be handled differently. These kids are dealing with so many issues and are exposed to so many things. School should be their safe place. They should be allowed to make mistakes to a degree and learn from them. Where did rationale go in the schools? Public schools need to get a grip on reality and parents need to support and direct their efforts. They're mandated in the system with procedures that don't work and try to maintain control. They have people who get off on the power they attain through those "all inclusive" procedures. We're dealing with people, young adults, futures, families, and dreams. Where is the logic? This is a challenge for every parent to get involved with. You have the opportunity to take this situation to great levels that could extend nationally to improve our public school system!! This young man was intimidated in my opinion and the emotional waiting game was too much and definitely unwarranted. <BR/><BR/>So the story I briefly shared above has an ending. My son's friend, cried for weeks on my couch thinking his life was over. He didn't get a lot of constructive support from his home but he did from his friends and their families. His life wasn't over, it only took a different course. He got his GED, he started college and is now in culinary school...his dream. He's working, very happy and those emotions of what happened gave him strength.<BR/><BR/>The boy who he sold to...my son had an encounter with him. He betrayed my son's best friend...these young adults do have a code to live by. It wasn't a terrible encounter, but after learning more about this boy from my son, and I knew his parents...I called them. The father was quick to defend his son and all his efforts to drug test him and he's clean. He pulled his son from the school in fear of how the other kids took the situation and was concerned about my son's anger toward his. He went on and on and on about what his son said and what my son said and yadda yadda yadda....I simply said...I understand my son's anger due to his friends pain...I understand your fear in this situation...My main concern here is simply this....we have one boy who decided it was a good idea to steal his mother's meds and sell them. We have another boy who thought it was a good idea to buy the meds...that is my only concern here...what are we going to do about that?? silence.........no response. Within a year, his son was killed in a tragic car accident. He owed a coke dealer, he drove wrecklessly into a tree with another in his car. He was the nicest, funniest, always smiling kid you would ever meet. <BR/>My heart still aches and I feel sad in knowing my last conversation with his father. It wasn't his father's fault...it was an unfortunate turn in life.<BR/><BR/>It's time for the public school system to have a major overhaul. For parents to be involved in developing guidelines for these types of issues resolve. It's out of control, out of date and why I chose to send my sons to private schools. It gave me great comfort knowing that my values and rules of conduct are being reinforced in the school. Is it perfect, absolutely not! Every school should be in a situation where every student and parent knows that their attendance is a priviledge not an entitlement. I see this situation as a good kid who got intimated by a system designed to handle in an "all inclusive" fashion. And unfortunately designed for those who have little parental support and have been using the school system as daycare for years! <BR/><BR/>We have so many wonderful teachers out there who would go above and beyond for their students. Seems like the older the kids get, involvement dwindles on the part of parents. I went through a bad divorce and my oldest had to switch schools. After we were into the year and I was uncertain about the school and life....I contacted every one of his teachers. I brought in pizza for them during lunch and I shared important information on my son. Who he was, what kind of learner he was, what he was dealing with personally...and asked for their help. If anything changed in his behavior, if he wasn't doing the work, if he wasn't participating...and if you saw him slacking his drawers, they had my permission to smack him gently on the head and inform him to pull them up because his mother has eyes watching!! <BR/><BR/>So I'm babbling at this point and maybe making little sense but I thought it important to share my feelings, to share my sadness to a family I'll never know...to plant a seed in change. One I think is most important....schools need our help for change!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8154278353423103464.post-15960250720272148632009-03-27T19:44:00.000-04:002009-03-27T19:44:00.000-04:00I am surprised that the school (LHS) can dump thei...I am surprised that the school (LHS) can dump their problem on another school (SLHS). This kid needed help, not explusion. It's a wrong and ill-conceived policy.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8154278353423103464.post-14227561707533759442009-03-27T13:56:00.000-04:002009-03-27T13:56:00.000-04:00I went to a meeting at my son's school and I share...I went to a meeting at my son's school and I shared with the director, headteacher, teachers, and counsellor about what happened to Josh. They reassured the parents that every child would be given a second chance.<BR/> Everyone was very saddened by what happened.<BR/> Even as far away as India your situation and its sad outcome is having an impact.Nadine Templerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13437076000572902553noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8154278353423103464.post-45129236562063887982009-03-27T11:36:00.000-04:002009-03-27T11:36:00.000-04:00Wow.. Thank you for sharing all that..I can tell y...Wow.. Thank you for sharing all that..I can tell you this.. I have a friend who is going through a similar situation with her daughter who is very involved on her high school Cheerleading squad. <BR/>Her daughter has violated some of the school policys and is about to have a hearing. <BR/>I shared with her mother Josh's story and alot of what you( josh's mum) have shared with us.<BR/>My friend and her husband were so inspired by all you have shared and all you are trying to do in trying to prevent this to be the outcome for any other family. They are really taking careful steps and also making sure that no matter how heavy the consequence could be... they keep the light at the end of the tunnel obvious for their daughter.<BR/>I love you soo much and am praying for you and your family everyday!!<BR/>Love<BR/>Tami WilderAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8154278353423103464.post-42812014225864705822009-03-27T03:30:00.000-04:002009-03-27T03:30:00.000-04:00We had a similar situation in that we had a son wh...We had a similar situation in that we had a son who had fallen foul of the school rules and was caught with something he should not have had. we were called in to the school and were told what happened. A backpack search led to a meeting. They told us that normally expulsion was the result in this kind of situation. They said to us go home and think about it and find out what happened etc. That night we spoke to our son for hours trying to get to the bottom of what happened. In the course of the night we decided to withdraw him from school as we realised once he was expelled there was no going back from that and he was only 13 at the time.<BR/><BR/>we went a letter into school and we called to tell the head of our decision. She said she could not have recommended that to us but she was hoping we would choose that rather than go through the process. Our son got a chance by someone who knew what he would be up against with an expulsion against him. She said she knew he ws a good kid and knew he had made a bad decision<BR/><BR/>Now my point is in sharing this with you and this is the sanitized version is that I have been an advocate for change with kids. I have two sons who have made decisions that led to heart breaking situations but what upsets me is the people I had to deal with and their handling of the situations. Teenagers are vulnerable volatile people, they go through some of the most dramtic physical and mental changes than at any at any other point in life, doctors may argue but they swing between being a child and being an adult and they make decisions that potentially ruin their own futures. I am not advocating lawlessness but I am an advocate of temperance compassion and patience. Each child and case needs to be handled individually. If it saves one child then schools should have councellors who monitor the actions and behavior of children who go through any sort of process such as the one Josh was going through. Who would not be afraid for their future in the situation he was in. especially when he knew some thought it was a done deal. He could see no future he had no hope he was afraid of what everyone would think of him is what I am guessing. He was not a lost cause and he did express remorse and regret in his statements.<BR/><BR/>I am writing because I think it is the handling of situations that makes the difference. From the sound of the process I would be afraid. Days of waiting guessing anguishing that is torture. Speaking as though everything is a foregone conclusion. In stilling hopelessness instead of options. <BR/><BR/>Just around the time of our sons situation he was saying things like no one around here loves me every time we got on to him about something he told me he felt like our housekeeper was his only friend. He had changed dramatically to a moody tempermental young man in such a short time. He had always been like my shadow tlking non stop about sports or football. He became sullen and moody. One night I went into his room after a confrontation we had and I found a belt tied around the grill of his window. I asked him what he intended to do, to this day he denies that he meant anything, but I have never forgotten it.<BR/><BR/>I am afraid for teenagers. I had a scary transition from childhood to adult hood. I do remember entertaining thoughts of suicide it seemed like the only way at times to escape the incredible guilt I felt. i felt I had let my parents down so badly. People need to give kids hope all the time even when they mess up no matter how many times they mess up.<BR/><BR/>My older son messed up a lot and even friends in church told me I should learn to let go, my response was and still is that I will never let go even if they make a fool out of me, I will be a fool a thousands time rather than give up. <BR/><BR/>what is my point? my point is yes there are rules but rules are guidelines which should allow for flexibility. Compassion even if you have to give bad news can it be done with diginity. Banning kids from a community permanently that is wrong because it does not allow for change or improvemnet which will happen with kids over time. It sounds like Josh was bullied in one meeting. He was afraid and he felt guilty so how could he defend himself?<BR/><BR/>I think from the sound of it the handling of Josh's situation there should have been objective meaning outside observers maybe neutral adults with experience in these situations present at every meeting to help and guide the family. Something like a family advocate because it is a big deal Should not be handled like a court of law especially if the child or family is not allowed an representation.<BR/><BR/>I would like to communicate directly with josh's mom if I could sometime. We are ok now but it has been in many instaces a long hard battle that I have fought for my kids against people who work with teens but act as though they haven't got a clue as to how their comments or actions effect these kids. I have feared what Josh's parent are now going through. I have been afraid many times.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com