The Josh Anderson Foundation: Working to Stop Teenage Suicide

The mission of the Josh Anderson Foundation (JAF) is simple - to provide young adults with the mental health education, resources and support so that they will never turn to suicide.

Due to Lauren's efforts, much has been accomplished over the past 18 months.  In fact, JAF is featured in the August 2013 episode of SAMHSA's Road to Recovery television series entitled "Young Adults in Recovery: Meeting the Needs of the "Millennial Generation""


SAMHSA stands for Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration.

Click here for the JAF segment.

4 Years and 1 Month later - April 18, 2013

Josh has been top-of-mind lately as it is a big week for the Josh Anderson Foundation (JAF).  We have brought suicide awareness speaker Jordan Burnham back to Northern Virginia to speak to middle schoolers, high schoolers and parents about his depression, suicide attempt, and how he found ways to cope after his miraculous survival.  Check out ESPN's E:60 Special to learn more about his story.

He spoke to the entire student body of three schools: Lake Braddock Middle School, Lake Braddock High School and W.T Woodson High School - about 6,000 students.

We held parent sessions the night before he spoke to the students and roughly a hundred parents came out. I wish there were more.  I attended these sessions and at both, during the Q&A, parents asked him, "In retrospect, what could've stopped you from going out your 9-bedroom story window?"

Of course, my ears perked up as this is the question I ask myself over and over about Josh:  What could've helped him?

His answer reinforces JAF's mission.  Jordan simply said that he needed to hear a speaker like himself: someone young, who talks confidently and unashamedly about his struggles with depression, suicidal thoughts, time in a mental hospital, skepticism about therapy, medication non-compliance and alcohol abuse while in high school.   That he needed to be educated about mental health issues and know that it was not only okay but it was actually courageous to be open and seek help.

As I sat listening to his story, I couldn't agree more.  Teens need to hear from people they perceive as cool - someone they would like to emulate.  Lectures from adults go in one ear and out the other whereas a powerful, honest story like Jordan's will impact and inspire them.  As he told parents, his main goal was to give kids permission to own up to their emotions/feelings and to do whatever they can to get better.  I believe Josh would've been impacted by listening to such direct and unafraid talk about mental health.

One of the schools had two suicides this school year.  My heart dropped when I heard this.

The counseling staff at the other school said that kids were coming to see them because of Jordan's story.  GOOD!

At Lake Braddock High School gym

Speaking with students afterwards

Middle school students line up to speak to him

W.T. Woodson auditorium - two sessions allowed him to speak to the entire student body

Jordan's parents are lucky that their son miraculously cheated death.   I wish that were us.  But at least we can do something so that Josh's death is not in vain.  We can work to save other teens, by providing hope and education so that they will NEVER turn to suicide.

But as rewarding as all of this is, it does not take away the deep. bottomless sadness that overwhelms me - even four years later.  I have finally gone through Josh's desk and closet and have found strands of his hair which I keep in his wallet along with driver's license and AAA card.  This is next to my computer along with his passport, issued in August 2007.  The pages are empty as he never had the chance to go abroad.

The loss feels very raw right now, like when a deep wound reopens.  But this is what grief does; it ebbs and flows, recedes and advances, diminishes and lengthens, very much like the waves of the sea.  Today, after Lauren had spoken at a Safe Community Coalition breakfast about the work that JAF is doing, she was approached by an administrator at Josh's school, who said that despite dying in their sophomore year, his friends took him with them throughout the rest of their high schools days - all the way through graduation.  Hearing this is bitter-sweet; it helps me to know how much he was loved but is tough to contemplate once again, the negative space of his passing.

RIP beloved son.  We are keeping your memory alive while working to save others.

November 18, 2012 - 3 Years and 8 Months Later

Josh has been top-of-mind lately.  You see, over the past few weeks, we have been preparing for a bar fundraiser (our second) for the Josh Anderson Foundation (JAF).  It was held Thursday night at The Tavern in Great Falls and was another success, matching the amount raised at our March fundraiser.  See this post for more details and slideshow.

But what was truly heartwarming about the evening was the incredible community support for our family, for Josh, for JAF and ultimately, for the young people in our area that we are trying to reach.  In numerous conversations with new supporters, heads were nodding as I stated the obvious: teens today face tremendous pressure, academically and socially along with expectations to excel in athletics and/or extra-curricular activities.  Combine this with issues that may be occurring at home and one can see the "perfect storm" for mental health deterioration.

Therefore the statistics in the 2011-2012 Fairfax County Youth Survey ( 31,106 students in 8th, 10th and 12th grades) are alarming but not surprising.  Almost one in three students (29.2%) reported "depressive symptoms in the past year" which means "feeling so sad or helpless for two or more weeks in a row that they stopped doing usual activities."   FCPS's 10th and 12th grader percentages are higher than the national average.

Students were asked if they had seriously considered suicide in the past year.  Affirmative responses were reported from one in five girls and one in eight boys.  Once again, FCPS's 10th and 12 graders are higher than the national average.

4% of students reported actually attempting suicide.  It is good to see that our 10th and 12th graders are below the national average; however, in absolute numbers, we are talking about over 1,200 of our kids attempting to end their lives!

In our work with local schools, it is encouraging to see that school administrators, counselors, schools psychologists and social workers as well as PTSA presidents all understand that our kids are at risk and are eager to partner with us. As a result, true inroads and impact are being made in local high schools and one middle school - see flyer.

So last Thursday was about community and a demonstration of the adage, "It takes a village to raise a child".   It was about people of all age groups coming together to show support financially and/or with their time for the Josh Anderson Foundation, born out of tragedy, that seeks to prevent other needless teen deaths.   We are making a difference.  Josh's death is not in vain.

All this was swirling through my head when a dear friend asked me, "How are you doing?"

I was thinking about this while on vacation in California at the end of last month.  I have been in contact with two moms who have lost their sons earlier this year - one by suicide, the other by an accidental drug overdose.  They are just starting their grief journey whereas for me, it has been well over three years.  They are facing their first holidays without their beloved boys; it is my fourth.  I can tell their grief is so raw and acute whereas mine is a dull ache.  At every moment they are reminded of their loss; for me, Josh's absence is a sad fact of life.

All this makes me realize that I am at a different place, doing what I never thought possible in the early months - I have moved on, while taking Josh with me.  I do not feel stuck in "grief quicksand", for which I am grateful.

Another thing that I've noticed is that my memories are no longer overshadowed by his death.  I can now look back in time, remember a certain event, gesture, comment, facial expression or interaction and see it clearly - without pain.

The dark, grey clouds that colored my landscape those early months; swirling, relentless and all-encompassing have lifted.  I cannot point to a specific moment when they dissipated; it must have happened gradually, over time, while putting one foot in front of the other.

Back to the question:  How am I doing?  Thanks to all the support from family and friends, I think I am doing okay, and not just flippant okay, but really, genuinely and sincerely okay.

RIP Josh.
We love and miss you.

Jordan Burnham at South Lakes High School

Today was a good day in spite of being an emotional one.   The Josh Anderson Foundation (JAF) has taken a large step in pursuing its mission of providing programs for today's kids that might have helped our beloved Josh.  

Due to the tireless advocacy of one particular counselor and the support from the principal, the JAF made possible Jordan Burnham, a nationally acclaimed speaker for the young adult audience to share his story of depression and attempted suicide while a senior in high school - at the very school that Josh attended when he died on March 18, 2009 as a junior.

Although at SLHS for only one year, Josh's death impacted the entire student body.  Going there today, over three years later and meeting kids who were freshman at the time but are now seniors, sharing about how they still think of him, was hard.  I couldn't keep the tears back when one boy told me how Josh was like a mentor in football and that he will always remember him.  Another girl, a junior, told me how she had heard about Josh while at middle school.  Many, many others shared their gratitude for JAF bringing a speaker who was relatable, brutally honest, and inspiring. 

Jordan was able to speak to 800 students (about one-third of the student body).   You could hear a pin drop in the auditorium during the 45 minute speech.  The Q&A lasted about 30 minutes with very thoughtful questions posed by students.  There were about 100 students who waited in line afterwards to meet him with some breaking down in tears as they shared their own personal stories.   It was a very moving and impacting time that I wish we could duplicate in all the high schools in our area.  

As I sat there, listening to Jordan share about his internal struggles as an accomplished, popular, athletic kid, who came from a close family, I couldn't help but imagine Josh sitting in the audience.  What if he had heard someone articulate deep, dark feelings that he could relate to?  Would it have helped him understand what was going on?  Be truly open? Seek help?  Understand that he was not along in his feelings?  Would listening to someone like Jordan speak so openly about depression and suicide helped him?  I think so. 

Kids were tweeting Jordan before and after his presentation.  One particular tweet sums it up: it is people like @jfburnham who have the strength & courage to tell their story that give me hope that there is a life worth living.

Kids waiting to see Jordan

Line goes up the aisle....

....up to the door

Photo ops

Guys came up to see him...

Jordan and student leadership group

Jordan and counseling staff

Media Coverage for FCPS School Board Election - updated 11/11/11

In the past, that is to say "pre-Josh", we did not pay much attention to School Board elections except to notice when they were imminent, evidenced by the multiple signs placed in the busy Route 7 median that runs from Tysons Corners to our home.

But now all that has changed.

The 2008 - 2009 School Board had responsibility over the disciplinary policies that treated our son far harsher than if he were caught by the police.  How can that be?   And in the end, my belief is that the expected decision of his expulsion from high school caused Josh to feel a loss so profound and overwhelming that he could not cope.  His fragile psyche sought a way out - a way that was irreversible and irrevocable.  Death.

After his tragic suicide on March 18, 2009, the School Board and Superintendent had the opportunity to assess the disciplinary policies, determine their effectiveness (or ineffectiveness) and initiate reform.  Yet nothing was done.

Then over a year later, another boy was caught and punished via the same draconian disciplinary policies.  And this poor boy also took his life.  Two death within two years.  And only because of the courageous sharing of the Stuben family, the thorough reporting by Washington Post journalist, Donna St. George, the additional media scrutiny (see blog post), pressing advocacy of FairfaxZeroToleranceReform and increasing outcry from the community, was the School Board forced to address reform in a June 9th vote.  But they did not go far enough.

So it is time for change.  Six of the twelve SB members are not seeking re-election.  Some who are should be replaced.  Josh was our youngest so we no longer have any children in this school system.  But for the thousands that entrust their children to FCPS, just as we did, I hope and pray that the November 8th elections will result in wholesale change.  And that the new group will roll up their sleeves and initiate common sense reform, ensuring that each child/teen is treated fairly, respectfully and above all, with the understanding that he/she is still a kid.

My intent is to keep this post updated with media links related to the upcoming elections.


July 18 - August 8, 2011
Vienna Patch: "Interviews with At-large School Board Candidates" on the issue of school discipline policies. "Discipline reform has become a key issue in this school board race. See how the candidates stack up."

August 10, 2011

McLean Connection: "At-large School Board Race: One to Watch" by Victoria Ross.  "Debates over discipline, boundaries, budgets, standardized tests and sleep have generated Fairfax County’s most closely watched and contested School Board race in the board’s 19-year history."

August 14, 2011

Washington Post: "Fairfax County School Board Races Could Overshadow Other Campaigns This Year" by Frederick Kunkle.  "Stuban is one of several political newcomers whose entry into the normally sleepy School Board elections has transformed them into this year’s marquee event in Fairfax politics in November, potentially overshadowing the races for the more powerful Board of Supervisors, which governs the county of more than 1 million residents."

September 23, 2011
Washington Post: "Fairfax School Board Races: Change vs Continuity" by Emma Brown


October 23, 2011
Washington Post: "Character of Fairfax School Board Rests On This Fall's At-Large Races" by Emma Brown

October 30, 2011
Washington Post: "Fairfax County School Board Candidates" by Emma Brown

November 4, 2011
Channel 9 News: "Fairfax County School Board Elections on Nov. 8" - interviews with candidates.

November 8, 2011
Washington Post: "Fairfax County School Board Control On Line But May See Little Change" by Emma Brown

November 9, 2011
Washington Examiner: "Election Pumps New Blood into Fairfax School Board" by Aubrey Whelan

November 10, 2011
Washington Post: "Even in Defeat, Fairfax School Board Candidates May Force Change" by Emma Brown.

FCPS School Board Votes on Disciplinary Policy Changes

It was an emotional day yesterday, but a good and productive day - I think...I hope....I pray.  In advance of last night's School Board meeting, where they were going to vote on changes to the current harsh, punitive and draconian disciplinary policies that caught our Josh in its net and pushed him to a point of no return, Peggy Fox from Channel 9 News came to our home for our first TV interview since his death.

She was very nice and easy to talk to - genuinely empathetic.  For she has children and had spent time reading this blog - in tears.  It sometimes surprises me that mothers who do not know us get emotional, but it shouldn't.  For even if a mother has not lost a child, she can put herself in my shoes and feel my pain.

So the interview was hard.  It was hard to re-live the circumstances around Josh's death, over 2 years ago.  It was hard to recount that when Josh was transferred to South Lakes HS, he was not allowed to step foot at Langley HS for a year, and that we had to get special permission for him to play in a football game between the two schools and that if he were to continue to be a referee at youth basketball games, it could only be if Tim were with him.  It was hard to think back to the horrible School Board hearing when our son was treated like a criminal instead of with compassionate understanding that he was a good kid who made a very bad mistake.  It was hard to be asked the question: "If the FCPS policies were different, would Josh still be alive?"

Did Josh do something wrong?  Yes.

Should he have been punished?  Absolutely, but as a non-violent, first time offender.   Josh was not a threat to his school community and did not need to be transferred to another school.  And anyone who came to his funeral and witnessed the over 1,000 students pay their respects and say "good-bye" would know this to be true.

We went to the rally before the meeting where parents wore red, held signs up and spoke passionately about the need for change.  We attended the meeting which was also hard.  It was difficult to hear that in Montgomery County, according to research done by a School Board member, involuntary transfers are used as a last resort.  So does this mean that if we lived in Maryland, our beloved Josh would still be alive?  This is too painful to contemplate.

It was hard to hear some School Board members, despite two deaths and the numerous examples of negatively impacted students, still say things like "this policy has only affected 1% of the student population."  What does that have to do with anything? Isn't each child important?  And that "these policies are in place to provide a safe environment for students and teachers."  No one is saying a safe environment should be compromised.  What we are saying is that these policies are flawed because they prosecute students who are NOT a threat to their school community as if they were.

It was clear to us who on the Board has listened to the community, read the stories, talked to parents and understood the obvious - that good kids make stupid mistakes.  They act before they think.  Their immature brains provide faulty justification for dumb teenage actions.  That we are talking about kids, with their whole lives in front of them.  These board members stepped up and proposed amendments to the Students Rights and Responsibilities that outline FCPS's discipline policies.  Several amendments passed and I am hopeful that this will help.  But I am disappointed that a critical amendment, one that addressed parent notification and presence before a child is interrogated or asked to provide a confession/statement did not pass.  Thus, what happened last night is only the first step.  More changes need to occur.

Note to all FCPS parents - because this amendment did not pass, YOU will need to protect the rights of your children by making it clear through written communication that if your child is caught for an infraction that starts the discipline process, school officials must wait until you are present before questioning your child.

As I sat there and watched the proceedings, I kept thinking the same thing over and over, Why wasn't this addressed when Josh died?  And let's be brutally honest, the only reason it is being addressed now is because of Nick's tragic death and the courageous advocacy of his family.  And the in-depth reporting by Donna St. George of the Washington Post.  And the pressure from the grass-roots parent advocacy group.  And the continued spotlight by the local news channels which has now garnered national attention.  It is NOT because of the leadership shown from the Superintendent or the School Board.

So I repeat the question - why wasn't this addressed when Josh had died?  Why didn't someone stand up in March 2009 and say "A student has committed suicide and it is believed to be tied to our disciplinary policies.   We need to investigate this and if there is even the smallest connection, we need to make changes for no other child will end his or her life on my watch."  If Superintendent Jack Dale or the School Board had done this, Nick would be alive.  Shame on Dale.  Shame on the School Board.   They are being shamed into action, which on top of our son's death, is tragic.

Links on the broadcasts from yesterday:

Channel 9 News at 5:00pm:  "Parents of Son Who Committed Suicide Rally for Change"  by Peggy Fox

Channel 9 News at 11:00pm:  "Disciplinary Policy Changes Coming to Fairfax County Schools" 


Channel 4 News at 11:00pm:  "Fairfax Schools Zero Tolerance Policy Nixed" by Darcy Spencer

Our Reaction to Dale's 10 Recommendations to Reform the Current Disciplinary Process

First of all, we want to say shame on Superintendent Dale and the School Board for taking action only after a second young life tragically lost to suicide has galvanized enough parental outrage and demand for change, due in large part to the courageous advocacy of the Stuban family and the unrelenting media scrutiny from the Washington Post and local news stations.

The Zero Tolerance Reform advocacy group was in existence several years prior to Josh's death and had been calling attention, albeit on deaf ears, to this draconian and overly harsh punitive process.  Had reforms occurred at that time, perhaps our son would be alive.

We find it interesting that the 10 recommendations below are being touted by school officials as "the most sweeping changes in more than a dozen years."  As Tim says, if nothing has been done in many years, any change will be "sweeping".  We see this as county "spin" to make this look better than what it really is.

1. Refining notification rules and helping parents prepare for the process
2. Helping students and parents understand their rights and responsibilities
3. Recording all disciplinary hearings
4. Shortening the disciplinary process
5. Providing instructional and intervention support for students in limbo
6. Giving more power to principals
7. Collecting data on existing and any new disciplinary processes
8. Urging parents to fill out exit surveys after hearings and school board rulings
9. Training and retraining staff on disciplinary guidelines
10. Continuing the "Positive Behavioral Interventions and Support" programs across all schools

Do you have the same reaction as we do when reading this list?  Aren't these just "bare minimum" items?  Isn't the county exposing how little attention has been placed on the disciplinary process that affected over 600 students last year and largely responsible for the deaths of two?  A process that all 175,000 students are exposed to?

Let's be honest Superintendent Dale and School Board members, this list isn't about true reform - it is about establishing procedures that should've been in place from the start.  

For example, how can FCPS subject students to involuntary transfers, basically ripping them out of their community, and not collect data on the impact of this highly punitive action to the student?   We find this "unconscionable".

This is a start but there is a long way to go.   Here is our list that would signal true reform.

IMMEDIATE CHANGE that must be demanded by all FCPS parents:

1. Parents MUST BE notified if their child has done anything to warrant suspension.  There should be NO questioning of the student by school administrators or SRO (School Resource Officers) and NO searching of student property until at least one parent is present. 
2. Stop involuntary transfers immediately until the process has been reformed.  Heaven help the Superintendent and School Board if another FCPS student who has been involuntarily transferred attempts or succeeds in suicide. 

REFORM the process

1. The initial hearing should be at the local schools.  Only if the student is deemed a threat to the school community by people who know the student, should it be "kicked" up the School Board Hearing Office. 
2. Use the money saved by reducing the Hearing office (the cost is approximately $1.6 million) to provide training on the local level for these hearings. 
3. First time juvenile offenders should be treated as such.  Distinctions must be made between dumb teen mistakes and hardened criminal activity.  It should not be that the law treats these kids with more compassion and understanding than the school system. 
4. Consequences should match the offense with a goal of education and reform.  Kids should be able to make dumb teen mistakes and learn from them without wholesale change and disruption to their lives.  NOTE: We are not saying that kids who break rules shouldn't be punished.  They should be.  But not in a way that is overly harsh and punitive. 
5. SRO presence in schools should be re-evaluated.  We have heard horror stories of "over zealous" SRO's that take any excuse to search students.  It is as though they are looking for someone to prosecute.  Has something that started out as a good thing, gone too far? 
6. Involuntary transfers should be the absolute last resort, not the first. 

Our overall comment to the Superintendent and the School Board is this: Stop hiding behind the excuse of "we are following the Virginia State Code when we recommend first-time student offenders for expulsion."  It has been established that Virginia law not only allows school boards to use discretion for special circumstances but can determine what those circumstances are.  

Remember what it was like to be a teen.  If you were back in high school, did you engage in activity that would subject you to the disciplinary process?  And if so, how would you have fared?  

Use discretion; have compassion.

Or more famously said: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. "

Coming up to the 2 year....

It is now March 7th and Josh's 2 year death anniversary is around the corner.  After March 18th, we will be living in the third year without him.  For some reason, this feels significant.  I don't know why. Perhaps it is the same sort of feeling that a cancer victim has after enduring invasive surgery, days of chemotherapy and rounds of radiation.  It feels like our family has survived the worst of the unimaginable.  Not that we are done, but the worst is over.  And now, we are in the process of moving forward with our lives while taking Josh with us.

My fear that his death would be in vain is unfounded.  With the tragic death of another young teen who was also subject to the disciplinary process within Fairfax County Public Schools, there is finally some movement to examine the effectiveness of the policy and make wholesale changes.

I also feared that Josh would be forgotten by his friends.  Nothing could be further from the truth as evidenced by the numerous birthday messages on his Facebook wall two months ago.  Last month, I heard from a mom whose son went to South Lakes HS and played football and lacrosse with our boy.  She shared how much Josh is still loved and missed. With their permission, the photo below is a picture of his desk.  So we are not the only one who have pictures of Josh around our home.

We love and miss you Josh.
R.I.P. my beloved son,
Love,
Mom

Josh and Nick's Suicides ARE Linked to FCPS ZT Policy: Updated 6/10/2011

This post has been created in honor of Josh Anderson (3/18/2009) and Nick Stuban (1/20/2011)

Both of these boys should be alive: Josh as a freshman in college and Nick as a high school sophomore. While their offenses were different, the feelings were the same: helplessness, hopelessness and despair due to the punishment given by Fairfax County Public Schools and as a result, both are gone. In their prime of life. And the saddest thing of all is that if treated differently, they would still be here.

Additional thought: Actually, what is so horrific about all of this is that if the policy was reviewed and reformed after Josh's death, then Nick would still be alive. To me, this falls squarely at the feet of the Fairfax County School Board and Superintendent.

There has been much in the media after Nick's death resulting in increased public pressure for the School Board and Superintendent Jack Dale to revise the draconian disciplinary policies. Two members of the Fairfax Board of Supervisors are calling for it. And any parent who has read the moving article by Donna St. George in Sunday's Washington Post (2/20/11) about the Stuban's experience and Nick's suicide should be afraid, angry and get involved in the call for reform. Why? Because the disciplinary policies could ensnare you and your child.

Teens are teens. Despite everything you do to keep your kids on the "straight and narrow"....you know what I mean: the "talks", the warnings, the curfews, the vetting of friends, careful monitoring of sleepovers, dishing out of consequences when rules are broken, all of the things that conscientious parents do, please listen when I say this - when they are in high school, all bets are off.

Josh was not a bad kid. And while I don't believe his words about drug use in high school were entirely true, "Mom, everyone is doing it", it is more prevalent than what I want to think and believe. He was a repeat offender, despite everything we were trying to do, and I realize he will not garner the same sympathy as Nick, but he was not a bad kid. We don't condone what he did but he should not have been made to feel like a criminal. He was guilty of being dumb, stupid and making really bad choices, but he was not a bad kid. He was not a threat to other students in FCPS and as such, he should not have faced expulsion to an alternative school or from the county. He should've have been punished, absolutely. And severely so. But not by removing him from his school, friends, athletic opportunities and support system. We believe this was too harsh. (Read this post for our experience)

Tim is keeping me abreast of the comments on the recent articles. I understand that just as Josh will be judged "guilty as charged", having been caught twice, the same will be for us as his parents. What were we teaching him? How permissive were we? Why couldn't we control our own son so that he would stay away from drugs? At the risk of sounding defensive, and I will only do this once, our other three kids will serve as as our parental "resume".

• Tyler (26) graduated from TJ, short for the the nationally renowned Thomas Jefferson High School for Science and Technology. According to the US News and World Report, it is the #1 high school in the country, securing the top spot each of the three years they have ranked schools. He graduated from the Terry College of Business at the University of Georgia, is married and working as an account executive at a telemarketing firm.
• Lauren (23) went to Langley HS and after graduating from the top ranked McIntire School of Commerce at the University of Virginia, is now working as a financial analyst at a mid market investment banking firm.
• Gillian (20) is also a TJ graduate and is currently a 3rd year student at the University of Virginia, majoring in psychology and minoring in film study.

Everyone in our area knows how difficult it is to get into TJ. And all who live in Virginia know how steep the competition is to receive the coveted UVA acceptance letter as it is the #2 top public university in the country. Parents also know the challenge that college graduates face in securing good jobs in this tough economy. While all the credit goes to our kids for their accomplishments, I believe they would say that parental love and support was paramount to their success.

Why am I sharing more about our family? Only to say this: If it can happen to us and now to the Stuban's, it can happen to anyone. Our hearts go out to Nick's parents. Unfortunately we know the nightmare they are living. Tim and I implore parents to wake up and demand change for the sake of your children....before other lives are irrevocably damaged or heaven forbid, lost.

Below are media links in chronological order. The intent is to have everything on one post for easy reference.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Suicide death of our 17 year old beloved son

Joshua Lee Anderson

Wednesday (3/25/09)

Reston Connection: "Saxons, Seahawks Mourn Teammate"

Sunday (4/5/09)
Washington Post: "Unbending Rules on Drugs in Schools Drive One Teen to the Breaking Point" by Marc Fisher

Monday (4/6/09)
Washington Post - Raw Fisher: "Zero Tolerance: Cure Can Be Harsher Than Crime" by Marc Fisher

The New York Times Parenting Blog: "A Zero-Tolerance Policy, and a Suicide" by Lisa Belkin


Tuesday (4/14/09)
Washington Post - Raw Fisher: "Zero Tolerance: Parents Talk Tough, But Are They Really?" by Marc Fisher


Wednesday (4/29/09)
Reston Connection: "Seahawks Ready for Postseason Breakthrough" by Rich Sanders

Tuesday (10/13/09)
Washington Post - The Answer Sheet blog post: "Checking It Out: Zero Tolerance or Zero Sense?" by Valerie Strauss

Friday (9/17/10)
Gazette: "One Strike, They're Out" by Julia O'Donoghue

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Suicide death of 15 year old beloved son

Nicholas L. Stuban

Saturday (1/22/11)
Washington Post: "Student Death Stirs Up Fairfax: Disciplinary policies scrutinized after student death in Fairfax. Suicide suspected after suspension and transfer" by Donna St. George

Monday (1/24/11)

Fairfax City Patch: "Student's Death Opens Old Wounds" by Whitney Rhodes

Thursday (1/27/11)
Burke Connections: "Mantua Teenager Remembered: Nick Stuban, 15, participated in Woodson football, Boy Scouts" by Julia O'Donoghue

Tuesday (2/8/11)
Fairfax County Board of Supervisors (BOS) Resolution: "Fairfax County Public Schools Zero Tolerance Policy" by Supervisor Catherine M. Hudgins (Hunter Mill District) and Supervisor Penny Gross (Mason District)

Friday (2/11/11)
FCPS Superintendent Jack D. Dale: "Statement to Members of the Fairfax County BOS"


Washington Post: "School Superintendent Jack D. Dale Defended Fairfax County's Discipline Policies "by Donna St. George

Reston Patch: "Supervisor Hudgins Explains 'Zero Tolerance' Remarks"

Reston Patch: "Schools Superintendent Blasts Hunter Mill Supervisor" by Karen Goff


Tuesday (2/15/11)
Oakton Patch: "County, School Officials Spar Over Disciplinary Process' Link to Student Suicides" by Whitney Rhodes

Reston Patch Opinion: "Gibson: 'Our Students Deserve Better": Hunter Mill School Board rep says county BOS should stay out of zero tolerance debate.

Sunday (2/20/11)
Washington Post: "Student's Suspension Furthered His Despair: Suicide turns attention to Fairfax County's discipline procedures" by Donna St. George


Washington Post - The Answer Sheet blog post: "Why School Zero Tolerance Policies Make No Sense"by Valerie Strauss


Monday (2/21/11):
6 page letter from the Rutherford Institute to Superintendent Jack Dale titled "Nick Stuban and Fairfax County Public Schools Disciplinary Process"

The Rutherford Institute News: "Rutherford Institute Denounces Zero Tolerance, Calls On Fairfax School District to Reform Disciplinary Process in Wake of Student Suicide"


Washington Post: "Family of Fairfax Teen Suicide Victim Wants Changes in School Disciplinary Policies" by Donna St. George

Washington Post: "A Temperance Movement Springs Up to Combat Fairfax County Schools' Zero Tolerance Policy" by Petula Dvorak

Channel 9 News: "Father of Suicide Victim Demands Changes in School Policy"

Connection: "School Discipline: Broken or Perfect? Jack Dale criticizes concerns linking teen suicides to suspensions" by Julia O'Donoghue

Tuesday (2/22/11):
Washington Post - The Answer Sheet: "Jack Dale's response to Stuban Family Letter"

Springfield Connection: "Time to Talk about 'Discipline': Schools need to consider the best interests of the student" by Mary Kimm

Wednesday (2/23/11):
Oakton Patch: "Dale Points to State Zero Tolerance Policies to Explain FCPS Actions" by Whitney Rhodes

Fairfax City Patch: "Reed Responds to Zero Tolerance Debate" (Patricia Reed is the school board member for the Providence District, which includes Woodson HS)

Washington Post: "VA Teen's Suicide Prompts MD Review of Disciplinary Policies" by Donna St. George

Washington Post Opinon: "The Rationale for Strict High School Discipline" by David Campbell, teacher at Centreville HS

Washington Post Opinion: "No Second Chances at Fairfax Schools" by Robert Guerra

Washington Post Editorial: "Fairfax County Should Reconsider Its Zero Tolerance School Discipline"

Saxon Scope: "Is 'Zero Tolerance' Not Enough?" by Terra Holderman

Thursday (2/24/11)
Channel 9 news: "Fairfax School Officials Defend Discipline Policy"

Dignity in Schools: "Zero Tolerance, Zero Consideration" by Joao Da Silva

abc2news: "Virginia teen's death prompts Maryland to review zero tolerance polices"

Scrippsnews: "School's Rigid Adherence to Rules Proves Fatal" by Dan Thomasson

Friday (2/25/11)

Channel 9 News: "Parents of Suicide Victim Speak on Camera, Blast School System"

myfoxdc: "Fairfax County School Policy under Review After Teen Suicide" by Audrey Barnes

FCPS News Release: "Fairfax County School Board to Review Discipline Topics"

Washington Post: "Fairfax County School Board To Review Discipline Policies" by Donna St. George

Monday (2/28/11)

Washington Post - Two letters to the Editor: "Removing Students: Fair or Foul?" by Crystal Shin, Charlottesville and Michael Wilcove, Rockville

Washington Examiner: "Fairfax Suicide Prompts VA Task Force on School Discipline" by Lisa Gartner

Wednesday (3/2/11)
Washington Examiner Local Editorial: "Zero Tolerance' Policies Do Lasting Damage"


Friday (3/4/11)

Washington Post Opinons: "What 'Zero Tolerance" Meant For My Son" by Sonia Mey-Schmidt

Wednesday (3/9/11)

Washington Examiner Local Editorial: "Zero Tolerance" Policies do Lasting Damage"

Thursday (3/10/11) -

Washington Post: "Teenage Suspended from Fairfax County over Acne Drug" by Donna St. George

McLean Patch Mom's Chat: "Disciplinary Process Needs Reform: Don't Crush Our Kid's Dreams"

Friday (3/11/11)

Washington Post's The Answer Sheet: "5 Myths About Zero-Tolerance Disciplinary Policies" by Valerie Strauss

Vienna Patch: "Stubans to Parents: Commit to FCPS Reform"

Vienna Patch: "FCPS Discipline Reform Group Plans for Monday's School Board Session" by Whitney Rhodes

Saturday (3/12/11)
Washington Post: "A Temperance Movement Springs Up to Combat Fairfax County Schools' Zero Tolerance Policy" by Petula Dvorak

Sunday (3/13/11)
Time Magazine: "Zero Tolerance, Zero Sense" by Nancy Gibbs

Monday (3/14/11)

Washington Post Local Breaking News Blog: "Fairfax Holds Hearings on School Discipline Policies" by Donna St. George

Reston Patch: "School Board Considers More 'Holistic' Approach to Discipline" by Whitney Rhodes

Red Apple Mom Blog post: "The "Fear Factor" in FCPS School Discipline"

Channel 9 News: "Fairfax School Policy Reviewed After Expulsions" by Peggy Fox


FCPS School Board Agenda and Topics for all day work session: "Review of Student Disciplinary Process"

Tuesday (3/15/11)
Washington Post Education: "In the Aftermath of Student's Suicide, Fairfax Board Examines Discipline Policies" by Donna St. George

Channel 9 News: "Virginia Education Leader Wants Reviews for all Disciplined Student" by Peggy Fox

Wednesday (3/16/11)
Fairfax Times: "School Board Considers Changing its Discipline Policy" by Holly Hobbs

Washington Post: "Fairfax County School Board to Review Discipline Policies" by Donna St. George

Saturday (3/19/11)
Washington Post's Higher Education: "Fairfax Schools' Discipline Policies Up for Review: Parents Seek More Leniency" by Donna St. George

Sunday (3/20/11)
Reston Patch: "Parents Push for Changes to Disciplinary Process" by Sherell Williams

Tuesday (3/22/11)
Washington Post: "Fairfax Schools Chief Says System is Seeking Ways to Improve Discipline Process" by Donna St. George

Fox News: "Community Meeting Held to Discuss Fairfax County Schools Disciplinary Process" by Wisdom Martin

Wednesday (3/23/11)
WAMU 88.3 DC: "Kojo in Your Community: Discipline in the Fairfax County Schools"

Fairfax City Patch: "Stubans Call Out Involuntary Transfers, Want Discipline Changes Now" by Whitney Rhodes and Bobbi Bowman

Radio Without All the Noise: "Kojo Explores FCPS Disciplinary Policies with McLean Community" by Jonathan Wilson

Thursday (3/24/11)
Falls Church News Press.com: "Commentary on March 20th Town Hall Meeting" by Penny Gross, Mason District Supervisor of Fairfax Board of Supervisors

Monday (3/28/11)
Washington Post: "Fairfax Schools Consider Recording Student Disciplinary Hearings" by Donna St. George

Wednesday (3/30/11)
Reston Patch: "Dale Recommends Relief for Students Caught with Meds, But What About Others?" by Whitney Rhodes

WTOP: "'Zero Tolerance' May be Amended in Fairfax Schools" by Hank Silverberg

Fairfax Times: "School Board to Address Expulsion, Transfers" by Holly Hobbs

Channel 9 News: "Fairfax Schools Superintendent Proposes Changes To Discipline Process" by Peggy Fox

NBC News: "Superintendent Suggests Plan to Improve Discipline in Schools"

Fox News: "Virginia Task Force Meets with Student's Father to Discuss School Disciplinary Program"

Thursday (3/31/11)

Washington Post: "Dale Proposes Changes to Fairfax Discipline Process" by Donna St. George

Fairfax Times Opinion: "A Primer on Fairfax County Public School's Disciplinary Process" by David Hirsch, attorney with Fairfax-based law firm

Fairfax Times: "School Discipline Process Can Be Improved" by Kathy Smith, Chairman of the Fairfax County School Board

March 2011
Child Trends Brief: "Multiple Responses, Promising Results: Evidence-Based, Nonpunitive Alternatives to Zero Tolerance" by Christopher Boccanfuso, Ph.D and Megan Kuhfeld B.S.

Sunday (4/3/11)
Washington Post Local Opinion: "How Fairfax Can Get School Discipline Right" by Caroline Hemenway and Janet Otersen, co-founders of FairfaxZeroToleranceReform.org

Monday (4/4/11)
Washington Examiner: "Fairfax School Board Weighs Changes to Discipline Policy" by Lisa Gartner

Washington Post:  "Revamp of Fairfax School Discipline Rules Continues" by Donna St. George

Fox News: "No Changes to Fairfax County Public Schools Discipline Policy" by Sherri Ly

Wednesday (4/6/11)
FairfaxCityPatch: "Gibson: There Needs To Be Consequences for Drug Offenders in Schools" by Karen Goff

Wednesday (4/20/11)
Washington Post: "Penalties for Drug Offenses Weigh Heavily on Students" by Donna St. George

Tuesday (5/10/11)
Vienna Patch: "Madison, Thoreau Principals Open Dialogue on School Discipline" by Elizabeth Vandenburg

Channel 9 News: "Are School's Zero Tolerance Policies Going Too Far?" 

Saturday (5/14/11)
Washington Post: "Fairfax Discipline Proposals Issued" by Donna St. George

Tuesday (5/17/11)
Vienna Patch: "School Board Mulls Parental Notification, Access to Hearing Recording in Discipline Work Session" by Sherell Williams

Washington Post: "Fairfax County School Board Weighs Changes to Discipline Policies" by Donna St. George

FairfaxTimes.com: "School Board: Discipline Proposal Not Enough" by Holly Hobbs

Tuesday (6/7/11)
Vienna Patch: "FZTR Hopes School Board's SR&R Vote Isn't Final Call" by Whitney Rhodes

Thursday (6/9/11)
Washington Post: "Fairfax May Reexamine Forced School Transfers in Discipline Cases" by Donna St. George

Channel 9 News (5:00 pm):  "Parents of Son Who Committed Suicide Rally for Changes" by Peggy Fox

Channel 9 News (11:00 pm): "Disciplinary Policy Changes Coming To Fairfax County Public Schools"

Channel 4 News (11:00 pm): "Fairfax Schools Zero Tolerance Policies Nixed" by Darcy Spencer

Friday (6/10/11)
Washington Post: "Fairfax Scales Back Discipline Policy" by Donna St. George

Vienna Patch: "School Board Votes to Make Discipline Process More Flexible, Supportive" by Naomi Nix

ABC 7 News: "Fairfax Parents, Students Glad Over the Change in Discipline Policies" by Gail Pennybaker

Saturday (6/11/11)
Vienna Patch: "School Board: Discipline Changes Won't End 'Involuntary Transfer' Option" by Naomi Nix

Motive for Suicide - Not Wanting to be a Burden?

It is almost 2 years since Josh's decision to leave us - can it be that long already?  It doesn't seem possible.  I've picked up some survivor of suicide books to re-read; ones with chapters that addressed feelings farther down the grief journey than where I was at that time of the initial reading. 

One book, Take the Dimness of My Soul Away: healing after a loved one's suicide, by William Ritter is a series of sermons that the author gave at different points after his son's death.  In the last one, given nine years later, he recounts his feelings upon reviewing the film The Hours for a church event.  Having never seen the movie, it is now in my Netflix queue.  The subject matter is suicide.  And how the reason that one of the characters takes her life is that she doesn't want to continue to "spoil" her husband's life any longer.   He then recounts how several have come to him as their pastor with the same motive for their own suicidal thoughts: 

"...one of the things that always surfaces is their belief that, in choosing death, they will be doing the world a favor....their family a favor...their friends a favor.  Sometimes they will be quite specific about the ways in which their departure will make someone else's life easier.  Those remaining will now have more time, more money, less worry, or less fury.  They really believe that.  Because if they didn't, they couldn't end their lives.  Or wouldn't."

Did Josh feel this way?  I have to believe he did.  Because at this time of his death, due to a very stupid mistake, he was facing unbearable consequences which not only affected him, but us as well.  And I think the mountain of guilt, anxiety, fear and frustration was too much.  He was disappointed in himself and knew we were as well.  What I feel guilty about now, almost two years later is that I am not sure that we made it crystal clear, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that it is was the action we were disappointed in, and not him.  He as a person.  His being.  

Why am I thinking of this now?  Because Jack Dale, the Superintendent of Fairfax County Public Schools in a response to the Board of Supervisors has effectively said that FCPS does not have a Zero Tolerance policy and that linking Josh's death to the disciplinary process "for the purpose of furthering a falsehood is unconscionable and a blow to those who have already suffered great pain and loss." 

Tim and I could not believe this.  How can he say there is no Zero Tolerance policy in FCPS?  How dare he say this!  And who is he to talk about a "blow to those who have already suffered great pain and loss"?  Is he talking about us?  How would he know?  Since that awful day, when the Hearing Office knew we were not coming because Josh had killed himself, we have heard nothing.  There was no phone call or letter of condolence  Silence.  Nothing from the Superintendent's office or any other office at FCPS.  Nothing from our elected School Board member either.   This to us, is "unconscionable".  I suppose they thought it would be an admission of guilt and were afraid of opening themselves up to liability and litigation, which was the furthest thing on our mind at the time.

I believe they are linked.  How can I not think that when our son took his life the day before our second time to the Hearing Office?  I have re-read our experience with that office, posted within a week after his death and there is absolutely nothing I would change.  It is what happened.  And our questions remain the same.

There is a parent advocacy group that is asking questions and wants reform.  For our kids...every one of them.  I have read the comments on the recent Post article about this topic and while many understand this policy is hurting rather than helping our kids, there are others who don't.  Who find this to be another example of parents not accepting full responsibility for their own and/or their kids' actions; instead, pointing the finger elsewhere.  The honest truth is that "pre-Josh", I probably would have agreed.  Until it happened to us.  Until our son was caught up in the horrible, humiliating, degrading suspension/expulsion process.  Where he was considered guilty from the get-go.  There was no due process and nothing remotely fair or compassionate about it.  (Other comments about the Superintendent's response on TOP radio and on the RedAppleMom blog.)

What is "unconscionable" is that Superintendent Dale is not taking the steps to review this policy, whatever he chooses to call it, to determine if it is working.  Is it helping our kids?   It is also "unconscionable" that FCPS, despite repeated requests by parents for statistics regarding this policy, refuses to release what should be public information.

Back to the book.....

What does this pastor say to those who confess their desire to leave?

I do not tell them I know what "wanting to leave" feels like.  But I do tell them I know what it feels like to be left.  That my life hasn't been better since Bill left.  That it's been worse.  For a long time....worse.  Years of worse.  Then I say, "Look, I can't promise that things are going to turn around for you, turn up for you, or get better for you.  I think they are.  But if you can't see that, I can't force you to wear my glasses.  All I can say to you is this: When you reach the point where you can't come up with a single reason to stay alive one more day, then stay alive as a gift to somebody.  Maybe you'll tell them. Probably you won't.  But if you stay alive as a gift for one day, you may just be able to stay alive for two days.  Then who knows, maybe you can go for three."

I wish Josh could've heard these words.  Maybe it would have gotten him through that dark, dark night when he only saw one way out.

"Will To Live"

I don't know if it is just me, but every week, I hear or read about a heartbreaking story of another teen suicide.  I don't remember hearing very much "pre-Josh."  Were these tragedies always around, but I wasn't aware?  Did I see articles in the paper and just skim over them, thinking foolishly, "this does not apply to me?"  

This week, a family member sent Tim this link to a Boston Globe article about an ex-Red Sox player who is a "member of the saddest club on earth."  John Trautwein's son Will, age 15, took his life last October.  He sounds a lot like Josh,...he "had so many friends and he was big and strong and good-looking and popular."  And then the haunting words from the dad, "We really don't know."  What is left unsaid - the loudest word to parents like us: WHY?

They have started a foundation in his name called the Will To Live Foundation.  It is focused on getting "kids, teenagers and young adults involved in the fight against suicide."  The family's vision statement ends with this: "Quite simple, this community, your community cannot stand any more empty rooms!  Help us help out kids find the Will to Live and prevent teen suicide together!"

I agree with this approach.  In fact, my daughter and I have been talking about how best to use the money that has been raised in Josh's fund.  We have about $12,000 and while I feel guilty that it has not been deployed as yet, to find the right place has not been easy.  For we want Josh's fund to support local, school-based programs that provide awareness, education and prevention of teen suicide and it does not seem like Fairfax County Public Schools has programs of this nature.  As I wrote about in a previous post, many kids do not or will not talk to anyone about their problems.  This means, they are their own last line of defense.  In order to successfully fight the rising trend of teen suicide, we must get in front of the kids.

Because of another tragic suicide in our area, it may be that the Superintendent of Schools, Jack Dale is ready to acknowledge the issue and stand behind programs that would raise awareness of teen depression/suicide.  While he attempts to deny that FCPS has a Zero Tolerance Policy in this recent Statement to the Fairfax County Board of Supervisors, and calls the linking of Josh's and Nick's death to the county's disciplinary processes "unconscionable" (I can't even go there right now), at least he seems ready to tackle what we would like to see - programs that address the mental well-being of our youth.  (Update: article about this statement in today's Washington Post.)

I am inspired by what Will's parents are doing and agree with their words,  "If we save just one life, then Will's (or Josh's) legacy is forever."

Another Suicide in Fairfax County - Similar to Josh

Yesterday, this article appeared in the Washington Post.  My heart sank as I read the words, "The apparent suicide of a 15 -year-old high school football player in Fairfax County has sparked concerns about the school district's disciplinary policies, which critics say are overly punitive and often debilitating for students."  Oh no, not another kid!  Not another family!  Not another mother!  Poor, poor mother.  

The article says he is an only child.  My heart breaks even more.  Her son will be buried with his football shirt #45.  Josh was buried in his #33 South Lakes jersey - the one he is wearing in the picture on the right side of this blog. 

As I as reading through the article, I was steeling myself for it.  For when his death would be mentioned.  It was at the end.  "Noting the 2009 death of Josh Anderson, 17, who committed suicide as he awaited hearing on a second marijuana offense: One death was enough.  Not a second one."

I didn't cry when I read this article.  I just felt numb and empty.  And very, very sad - knowing the pain facing his parents - now and in the months to come.  No, the tears did not come until hours later;  after doing the laundry, going to the grocery store, working on a new blog for myself, a reading blog; after trying to sleep and not being able to, finally getting up to write in my journal - that is when it hit me.  Note: my thoughts below are raw and uncensored; right from my journal.

The poor family.  His poor friends.  Another kid - dead.  I don't know what to write or how I feel.  Why?  I should be feeling a lot with this but just numb.  Blank.  Why has my handwriting shrunk all of a sudden?  While I am writing this?  My mind and heart are blank.  School officials are not saying much or what they say is status quo.  I HATE FCPS AND THEIR POLICIES.  That kill - literally - kill or if not kill, they maim and destroy our children.  Teens who are not bad and evil - they're just dumb.  They are guilty of being dumb.  Doing stupid things.  Thinking they will not get caught.  They don't connect behavior and consequences.  Impulsive.   

I guess this is what I really feel - that if we didn't live here, would Josh still be alive?  That in my heart of hearts, I place a lot of blame on the Zero Tolerance Policy - which subjected our son to a humiliating, degrading interrogation by cold-hearted School Board Hearing Officers.  So horrible that he could not face it again. Then I turn to myself.   I BLAME MYSELF.  That I did not see his inner turmoil.  That I didn't help him cope.  That I wasn't there for him in the way that he needed.  That if someone else were his mother, maybe he would be alive.  I feel complicit with his death.  That my good wasn't good enough.  I am so sorry Josh.  I am so, so sorry.  

I couldn't write my usual letter to him today - maybe this is why.  I didn't make the effort to visit him today - maybe this is why.  I couldn't sleep - maybe this is why.  This is really what is going on - MAJOR GUILT.  And now that I've allowed my conscious mind to see and feel it - it is smothering me.  

I am guilty.  

I am not the mother he needed. 

I was not enough for him. 

I am the reason he is dead.

It was 2 am when I wrote these words.  The empty kitchen was witness to my refreshed grief.  And even when the words flew from pen to paper, I thought, "It is 2am.  You are tired, emotional and not thinking straight.  Better go to bed."  And I did.  For some reason, it is cathartic to purge myself of all crazy thoughts and feelings onto empty pages that don't speak back, try to reason with me and say that I am talking rubbish.  No, my journal pages just take it.   I went to bed feeling empty, drained and exhausted. 

Woke up thinking about the last sentence I wrote the night before.  Do I really think I am the reason he is dead?  No, of course not.  In fact, if I were awake that fateful night, I would have tried to physically restrain him from his fatal action.  He would've had to knock me out to continue with his plans.  

So I understand that he did this to himself.  But I do feel, in the depths of my soul, a guilt that cannot be shaken or reasoned away.   I remember reading something early on that struck me, but I found it hard to relate to.  Not any more.  In the book, My Son, My Son: A Guide to Healing After Death, Loss and Suicide, Iris Bolton writes about guilt:

Guilt is perhaps the most punishing stage of all.  I remember that first day sitting on my bed saying over and over, "What have I done wrong?  If only I had done more." My senses told me that I'd failed as a parent, failed myself, failed my son.  The word I used to describe my condition was foul.  Irrationally I thought I must indeed be foul for my son to prefer death to living with me and our family.  Guilt hits hard and flits in and out of other moods. 

I am lacking as a parent.  Or more specifically, as Josh's mother.  And I don't write this to solicit vehement comments to the contrary.  Everyone has a cross to bear and I think this is mine.  I can't absolve myself of this guilt.  For how could I not be found guilty when my own son chose to take his life?   

Suicide of a child means enormous guilt for the mother.   Any child.  Any mother.  Cause and effect.  One leads to the other.  It is what a mother unwittingly signs up for, once she has given birth to her baby. Or first holds an adopted child in her arms. It is a tragedy that you can never be prepared for, never expect to be part of your family history.  So when the nightmare occurs, when it really happens to you, the waves of shock and disbelief eventually gives way to guilt.  A guilt so large, it defies measurement. 

Tim sent me a link to another article in the FairfaxCityPatch called "Student's Death Opens Old Wounds."  The "old wounds" refers to Josh's death.  This will never be an "old" wound for me.