Teammates Still Remember Josh

Over a year has passed since Josh left us on that fateful day, March 18, 2009. He was a gifted athlete and school was marked not so much by quarters passed, but sports seasons. He left us two days before the opening South Lakes lacrosse game. The boys played that Friday night with a man down on defense on the first play - in memory of him. We received pictures of that night which are posted on the blog.

He would be in his senior year. Another South Lakes lacrosse season has passed. I received an email with this note from a SLHS mom. It encourages us to know that our beloved son still lives in the hearts of his teammates.

My name is Meagan Church. My son, Jeff, is a student at South Lakes (sophomore) and I wrote to you last year shortly after Josh passed away. Jeff gave up soccer last year to try out for the JV LAX team. I thought it might be a mistake (I was afraid that he wouldn't make the team since he didn't have any experience) but I supported his decision to try. Since all of the players started out together Jeff had the opportunity to meet Josh. Jeff was impressed that an older, "cool" guy would be nice to the younger, newer players like Jeff. Jeff played on JV last season.

This season Jeff started on JV but was moved up to Varsity for several games. When the season ended I opened up Jeff's LAX bag to clean things. Right away when I unzipped the bag I noticed the letters "JA" on Jeff's helmet. I was thinking JA, JA, JA... then I remember that the players had put Josh's initials on their helmets to honor him.

I took this picture to share with you. I hope that you don't mind. You know how dirty, wet and sweaty these boys get. It was clear to me that the initials were not faded--someone had to have taken the time to go over them again--they were clear and the ink was dark. I asked Jeff about it and he said that all of the helmets are that way. It's obvious that the players missed and honored your son in every game they played. I'm proud that my son had the chance to wear a helmet with Josh's initials on it.

Josh - I wish you knew what an impact your short life on Earth has had on so many people. Rest in peace, my beloved son. Know that you are still missed by family, friends and teammates. We all wish with all of our hearts that you could have found another way.

God Bless

Gone But Not Forgotten - April 25, 2010

It has been one year, one month and one week since Josh left us all. I say "all" because the loss is felt well beyond just his immediate or extended family. His friends still think about him, miss him and continue to remember our beloved son.

Two such friends came over this week. They had been talking about visiting for quite a while, but just could not do it. Not sure how they would feel being in his home, seeing the pictures, and facing the fact that he is gone. Death is strange that way - the knowledge can rest in the mind, to be put away when too painful or when one wants to pretend it didn't happen. That Josh just went away someplace and will return - with the infamous smirk. The distance to the heart is mere inches, but can seem like miles when reality is hard to accept.

I can understand completely. But I want to say to his friends - if and when you would like to talk, our door is always open.

We had a good visit. The tissue box was near. Although sad, I wanted to hear about their memories: how they found out about Josh's death, what was their first reaction, what do they think now, what other experiences do they have with suicide, what they remember most about him, etc. Our conversation was similar to what I've had with other friends: frank, personal, deep and real. They encouraged me not to feel guilty but I cannot accept absolution - at least not yet. The compassion, sympathy and love expressed by his friends is amazing and so appreciated.

We talked about Josh's Facebook page. They said that people were continuing to post, even as recently as this month. They learned that I had received a copy of the posts right after his death and on his birthday but had not seen anything else. Sure enough, a couple of days later, one of these friends sent me a couple of emails with the rest of the posts. I've read all of them and can see now that his friends have posted when they heard of his death, after coming to see us, at each month's anniversary, during the football season, on his birthday, on the one-year anniversary and at random times - whenever they thought of him. Even friends who are now in college. If people continue to post on his wall, I will receive updates from his friend. What a kind, thoughtful thing to do.

To see the multitude of posts on his wall, even a year later is surprising to me, but in retrospect, it shouldn't be. Not when I know that another of his friends wrote a half page article for the school newspaper called "Remembering Josh: One year after the death of a beloved classmate, students continue to honor him in many ways."

Or when I hear of a lacrosse teammate who is wearing his number, 33, during this spring season. I hope Josh sees all of this and that he feels the continued outpouring of love - just as we do.

Rest in peace, my dear son. Much loved, much missed and still remembered by family and friends. We all wish you could have found another way out.

God Bless

Wings 2 and T-shirt Fundraiser - May 18th

Thanks to all who came to the 10% fundraiser today at the Buffalo Wing Factory. There were some logistical issues, however we are hopeful that many of the receipts that were rung up today will be used.

As many of you know, today is the 2nd anniversary month of Josh's passing. It was a very sad day for me - perhaps I will write more on another post - so it was really great for Tim and I to be with Josh's friends tonight.

Additionally, the T-shirts that Gillian designed have come in (please scroll down to see the post). Thanks to everyone who ordered a shirt ($13 each). Because we placed an order of 60 shirts, the actual cost of the shirt was $9.38 so everything over this will be donated to Josh's fund.

If you would like to have a shirt, please let me know. If there are enough people who are interested, we will place another order. You can email me at jandermom@gmail.com with your size (YS, YM, YL, YXL, S, M, L, XL, XXL).

Here are pictures of both fundraisers.




I will conclude this post by sharing about something special that we received tonight. A couple of moms from the South Lakes LAX team put together a wonderful gift for the players - a deck of playing cards with the senior player's photos. What was very touching for us was the addition of a memorial card with Josh's picture and the following inscription on the back:

Josh,
We will never play our best hand without you.
We will never again be a full deck.
You will forever be missed and always remembered with love.

"One Love"
Your friends and teammates,
SLHS 2009
Varsity Lacrosse

A very special "thank you" to Barbara Shinrock and Christine Stout for including our son in this unique and special gift for the boys and giving it to us tonight.

God Bless

SLHS vs LHS Girls Varsity LAX Game

Three of Josh's friends from Langley HS, Elspeth, Natalie, and Sarah made ribbons for both the South Lakes and Langley teams for their lacrosse game. The ribbons had Josh's number and initials on them.




Thank you girls, so much for doing this and emailing the pictures.

If anyone would like to share additional photos, please email them to me at emilyanderson5 at gmail dot com

SLHS blackout and LAX game: March 20, 2009

South Lakes HS blackout and LAX game that was dedicated to Josh.