As the day approached, I tried to think back to the last Thanksgiving we had with Josh, in 2008. Unfortunately, I don't remember that much, just snippets, probably because we did not do anything that memorable. Now I know that whenever family gathers, we should take advantage of the time to build new memories. And so yesterday, after being stuffed with drink, food and desserts, we cleared the table and played Taboo and Euchre. Then joined thousands of other crazy people who went to Tysons Mall at midnight. Definitely a memorable experience - through probably not one to repeat next year.
My journal has become a place of self-exortation.
Sue - look at it (Thanksgiving) differently. It is the being together that is most important. The food, etc will get done. Just be happy that family (sans Josh) will be together. Make new memories. Be in the moment. Share love. Give love. Don't be focused on the "to do's". Be focused on family. Be engaged. Be thankful that we will be together.
"Post Josh", I do have a greater awareness that any holiday could be the last. On the one hand I admit that this is a morbid and depressing thought. But had I been more aware in 08, there would be more vivid memories of the last Thanksgiving with our beloved Josh. I want to avoid having this type of regret in the future.
Hope everyone is having a wonderful Thanksgiving with family and friends.
God Bless
2 comments:
Your blog is a beautiful tribute to a young man that is clearly loved and missed very much. Barbara shared your story with our social work class and I can honestly say that it has impacted me personally and the work I hope to do working with teens.
Perhaps the "why" of what happened might not ever be answered, but what is important is that you are honoring Josh's memory in a way that will help shed light on the growing number of teens who choose suicide. Josh's death is not in vain and his legacy will surely help comfort and save others.
I'm sure the pain of his loss can be felt every day. But, he's not gone...his spirit is still with and in you and you are living for Josh now. Your work is something I'm sure he would be very proud of.
My dearest Sue, I know this season is so hard. It seems to go on forever. It is a season Josh loved as he had time with family and a lot of great food around to eat, time to play with the dogs and sleep :) I imagion Thanksgiving 2008 was filled with laughter, I can just see Josh eating a BIG plate of food with a smile on his face. Maybe there was a movie that just came out that you went to watch. One thing is for sure...I am sure he felt happiness as the family gathered and enjoyed eating, talking and laughing together.
I don't think that your thoughts are morbid. When I had cancer and almost lost my life at 28 with 3 small children...every holiday became sooo precious. I never knew if it would be my last. That is why each one had to be extra special!! Pictures had to be taken and each moment enjoyed and memories made.
From then on I have tried to live each day of my life this way. I am thankful as having that mindset I would always make the boys take pictures. Even when they were teenagers and didn't want to. I cherish those pictures as if they were made of gold! And I am sure you do as well.
Thank you for reminding me to cherish every opportuninty no matter what is going on in life.
I love what Jo said...Josh's spirit is still with us and in us!!! I am reminding several times a day as I see his signature on my arm. Gigi just yesterday touched it and kissed it. :) I feel him with us.
All my love at this season of love..Roxanne
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