My journal entry later that morning:
Pre-technology revolution, pre-email, it would've been phone calls to family members. We had our list of people to call after each of our kids were born - strange - just remembered it is the same list of who to call when someone dies. At birth and at death - the first people you call are immediate family.This is what happens in my journal. I begin writing about one thing and then my thoughts flow to memories that still reside close to the surface. Tears flowed freely as I recalled that horrible day and the phone calls made.
I had to call Tim - after I found Josh. Poor guy - he was on the Beltway and had to drive home after hearing the news. After the worse was confimed, we had to call our children. Tim did that. What do you say? How do you tell your children that one of their siblings is no longer alive? I don't know. I am glad that I did not have to make those calls.
I did call my mom and practically screamed the news to her - "JOSH IS DEAD...HE KILLED HIMSELF." I let her tell my brother and sister, I think. I then had to call my boss and tell him why I couldn't go to a client meeting that day and why I wouldn't be back to work for an undetermined time. Being a father himself, he was full of compassion.
Within several short hours of these calls, our family began rallying around us. And now, over two years later, we have a new baby in the family whom we will surround with love and support.
RIP Josh. I wish you were hear to see your new baby cousin. You are forever loved and missed.