On this beautiful cold but sunny day, perfect for Thanksgiving, while the turkey is roasting, I write a letter to Josh.
Dear Josh,
Happy Thanksgiving! I can't help but imagine what you would be doing if here. Let me try.... you came home from college on Saturday, happy to be home but wiped out, and with mountains of laundry. After giving me the required hug and stooping to play with Buddy and Benji, who would be going crazy, vying for your attention, you would head straight for the kitchen to make sure the pantry and fridge was stocked, giving me a little smile after seeing that it was.
You would then stretch out on the couch with your favorite blanket, inviting the dogs to chill with you and promptly fall asleep. I would work on your laundry and by the time you woke up, clean clothes would be in your room. Sleepy-eyed, you would ask me the proverbial and all important question, "what's for dinner?" Another smile would appear when I said, "Korean food", one of your favorites.
We probably wouldn't see too much of you, between sleeping and hanging out with your friends which would be okay, because you were home. Then today - one of your favorite holidays because it combines two things you LOVE - the Thanksgiving meal and football (there are some good games on today), you would exude peaceful contentment. At dinner, you would be your usual quiet self but would interject a well-timed remark that would make us all laugh. After dinner you would be passed out on the couch again with "turkey coma". Life would be good. Let me say that again, LIFE would be good.
But instead of what I imagine in my head and heart, the reality is that you are not here. At least not physically (I don't want to think of where you are physically). I hope you are here in spirit. Can you give us a sign today? Or does it work best when least expected? And even though it has been over 2 years and 8 months, I will end with the question that I still ask every day, "Why, Josh why?"
Love,
Mom
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2 comments:
As I read this...my 'home from college boy' is lying, asleep, under a blanket in the room with me. And the tears just started flowing. Will hug him extra hard at some point today...I hope you feel Josh with you today through all those who love him. Sending a big hug ~
Teared up once again, thinking of your Joshua and mine both doing the same things asking the same questions, playing with the dogs! I just realized (not sure why I did not put it together that your son is JA as is mine! So thankful for your writing. Pumkin pie in honor of Joshua this year and the constant weight of a person not at the table while trying not to ruin everyones thanksgiving with tears.
<3 Your a gift!
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