So now, I turn to my feelings. What do I feel? Cursor is blinking while I think about this. Answer: nothing.
So now I turn to books. What have I read recently that can describe what I feel? Or where I am at? Ahhh, now I am getting somewhere. Immediately, I think of two poems that basically say that when one is grieving the death of a loved one, words fall short.
by John Berryman
He died in December. He must descendSo maybe it is not that I don't feel anything....maybe it is that I have run out of ways to express what I feel.
Somewhere, vague and cold, the spirit and seal,
The gift descend, and all that insight fail
Somewhere. Imagination one's one friend
Cannot see there. Both of us at the end.
Nouns, verbs do not exist for what I feel.
Another poem that speaks to and for me:
In Memoriam A.H.H. - Canto V
by Lord Alfred Tennyson
I sometimes hold it half a sin
To put in words the grief I feel;
For words, like Nature, half reveal
And half conceal the Soul within.
In words, like weeds, I'll wrap me o'er,RIP beloved Josh
Like coarsest clothes against the cold;
But that large grief which these enfold
Is given in outline and no more.