Please use this blog to help us remember Joshua Lee Anderson, who made the tragic and fatal decision to take his life on Wednesday, March 18, 2009. Please post any memories or thoughts you may have in the comments.

Thursday, September 18, 2014

Five-and-Half-Years Later

I am in Palm Desert, CA this week where Tim and I are celebrating (early) our 31st anniversary which will be on October 10th.  We got married a couple of weeks before my 22nd birthday so have been married for three-fifths of my life.  Little did we know at the time that we'd be blessed with four healthy, beautiful children complete with the busyness and craziness that comes with a large, active family.

 December 2008 - last family photo with Josh

Nor could we have foreseen that in our 25th year of marriage our youngest - seventeen year old Josh - would take himself out of our life, our family, our marriage, our future.  In one fell swoop, our lives no longer felt "blessed".

But with the loving support of family and friends, including Josh's friends, we have managed to soldier on by putting one foot in front of the other, not looking too far ahead; instead, adhering to the old but true adage to take "one day at-a-time".  The days add up the weeks, the weeks become months and the months morph into years.
Our marriage has survived the worst blow - the death of a child. As I reflect on why or how, I suppose it is because we gave each other the space to grieve - in our own ways, without judgement or expectation.

And I stopped being focused on small, stupid things that would invariably cause tension or arguments. Those things were inconsequential next to the monumental task of surviving.  Peripheral issues fell by the wayside and stayed there.

This lasting change has been a hidden blessing, perhaps one, sad to say, that may not have occurred without such a tragedy to wake me up to what truly matters in relationships: grace, peace, forgivness, tolerance, kindness, giving the benefit of the doubt, active listening, and unconditional acceptance.

According to Josh's friends, this is how he treated others. Perhaps striving to embody these qualities is another way for me to keep his memory alive - to allow his spirit to live on within me.

RIP Josh.


Roxanne Armes said...

Sue this is a beautiful post. I am happy that you are celebrating 31 years of marriage! You and Tim have survived the hardest thing in life together! I have heard of so many couples torn apart by the death of their child and I pray all of the time God keeps drawing the two of you closer! I do see all of these qualities in you Sue! I believe Josh lives on in all of us as we mirror these wonderful qualities.
Love you Roxanne

Iberostar said...

My son, Joe, died Dec. 6, 1988 when a truck hit his car. I read your latest blog and I can say, I know how you feel, esp. around the holidays. I used to try to ignore it, enjoy everyone's else's decorations, put mine up, take mine down - all over the map of emotions during this season when people feel so much joy. It is difficult when you're grieving for the loss of your child. Be kind to yourself and don't worry about the next day. Thanks for writing about what we all feel - those of us in this club we don't want to belong to. Janice