Please use this blog to help us remember Joshua Lee Anderson, who made the tragic and fatal decision to take his life on Wednesday, March 18, 2009. Please post any memories or thoughts you may have in the comments.

Wednesday, March 18, 2015

March 18, 2015 - Six Years Later

Our son Josh, died by his own hand 6 years ago. It was a Wednesday, just like today and just like any other day. It is 7am now and six years ago, I awoke, showered, was in my office preparing for a client meeting, saw Tim leave for his own meeting; naive and oblivious to what I would find three short hours later.

Anyone close to Josh can probably think back and remember exactly where they were, what they were doing and what they felt upon hearing the tragic news.

Death, grief, sorrow, pain, heartache, memories, living with loss, living in spite of loss are very difficult to navigate early on and even six years later. Emotions are unpredictable as I do not know how I will feel or react today. I know there is numbness as last night, I heard of another teenage suicide in our area which could've put me in a tailspin but instead, I felt nothing except sorrow for the grieving family.

I want to share another "blessing" from John O'Donohue's book, To Bless The Space Between Us which has been a recent source of comfort to me.

For The Family and Friends of a Suicide
by John O'Donohue

As you huddle around the torn silence, 
Each by this lonely deed exiled,
To a solitary confinement of soul,
May some small glow from what has been lost
Return like the kindness of candlelight.

As your eyes strain to sift
This sudden wall of dark
And no one can say why
In such a forsaken, secret way,
This death was sent for...
May one of the lovely hours
Of memory return
Like a field of ease
Among these graveled days.

May the Angel of Wisdom
Enter this ruin of absence
And guide your minds
To receive this bitter chalice
So that you do not damage yourselves
By attending only at the hungry alter
Of regret and anger and guilt.

May you be given some inkling
That there could be something else at work
And that what to you now seems
Dark, destructive, and forlorn,
Might be a destiny that looks different 
From inside the eternal script.

May vision be granted to you
To see this with the eyes of providence.
May your loss become a sanctuary
Where new presence will dwell
To refine and enrich
The rest of your life
With courage and compassion.

And may your lost loved one
Enter into the beauty of eternal tranquility,
In that place where there is no more sorrow
Or separation or mourning or tears.

RIP Josh
January 16, 1992 - March 18, 2009


Joyce said...

Thoughts of love and comfort for you and your family today. Thank you for sharing these penetrating words. Josh is forever in our hearts. Joyce A.

David McAnulty said...

Thanks for posting Sue and sharing this moving poem. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family on this sad anniversary.

Roxanne said...

This is one of the most beautiful poems I have read. Thank you so much for sharing this with us! I to remember where I was, at work at Dave and Busters, the call came in and I ran in disbelief to the time clock, crying so hard I could hardly see to get there. I called home to see if Bryce had heard the news and as Eddie answered the phone I could hear Bryce talking to Sue and "Is it true, is it true.....and crying out in disbelief with such anguish I had never heard before." We called the rest of our kids and got Giselle and Bryce in the car, went by to comfort Makhaila who's boss would not let her off work to leave with us. All those hours to Virginia we cried and cried and could not make it there fast enough. I will never forget getting there and all that we all experienced in those days. I had never cried so hard and so much for so long. I have so many memories of those days spent together. 6 years later I still can hardly believe it! I remember even in those first days, thinking and hoping and praying for something positive to come from this pain and darkness. The Josh Anderson Foundation is just that! Shining a light in the darkness for so many teens who are in the same darkness Josh experienced. It is amazing in the midst of the pain what you have been able to express on this blog to help others, what the foundation is doing to help so many! It is truly a testament to the great love you have for Joshua! We love you Tim and Sue and we are share in your grief and we share in your love for Josh and we share in the desire to never forget what Josh went through and to help anyone possible through sharing his story and yours. All my love, Roxanne