This past Monday was particularly poignant as it was two days after his 18th birthday. In fact, the manager presented a photo cake to us, in memory of our beloved boy.
Here is a photo collage made by one of Josh's football coaches, up on the wall, along with other sports paraphernalia.
At these fundraisers, it is wonderful to see our friends, but in particular, my heart is lifted in being with Josh's friends. They are full of life, energy and hope for the future. College applications are done and they now must wait for the decision letters. It is an exciting time, but also a bit scary and unnerving. I feel privileged when taken into their confidence and feelings are shared. They have been there for me; in whatever way I can, I would like to be there for them.
These kids remember Josh in their own ways. I have shared in another post how one of his friends wore #33 during the football season - in dedication to Josh. Another friend ended up being a walk-on football player at JMU this past fall and since #33 was already taken, chose the next closest number.
Another friend was able to get his number for the basketball season. I know Josh would get a kick out of this picture. They had that kind of relationship.
Even when writing this post, I am amazed at how much our Josh was loved. Makes his choice and subsequent action even more senseless. How does a kid get to that point? I don't know but hope that any other young person who might be toying with idea of self-annihilation, would look past their own pain and realize there is a vast network of loving people to help, support and guide them to life. I wish Josh had known this. It is too late for him, but hopefully not for anyone else who has witnessed the impact of his life and death.God Bless
3 comments:
I came to your Biggie Z site to enter the dog pile event...I found Josh's picture and have spent the past hour reading and crying...
Please know that you will be in my thoughts and prayers.
Kit
It is so nice to see the cake and the pictures. I wish even more I could have been there but I will be Lord willing for the one in March.
I am so glad that you are able to be encouraged by Josh's friends. It is so wonderful the ways they keep remembering him and how they carry his spirit with them.
That is our goal Josh, to carry your spirit within us...to never forget you... and what your life and your death has meant to us. You have made such an incredible impact on so many.
I have seen many people around me stuggle with the thought of suicide. I never undertood why they would want to end their life short, but the more I talked to them I felt their pain. I am the kind of person that sees good in every situation. It has gotten me through a lot of very hard situations. When I was younger it was having to move every few years and as I got older it was drugs and alcohol. I remember a conversation I had with Josh when we were up in Maine on vacation. I told him no matter what you feel right now you are a teenager and it may seem like the end of the world but its not. I told him things will get better and that our family loved him like a brother/son. I didnt know all the pain in his heart and somehow I wish I could have seen or been more perceptive about the whole situation. I didnt know the pain was so deep. I miss Josh and I think about him all the time. I wish he was still with us, so bad I wish things were different. I know that out of this horrible situation some good has to come. People have to be open and understand with their children and teenagers. They face hard situations everyday. We have a responsiblity to guide them and help them. Our generation is so different from our parents that the communication can get lost somewhere. I love you Joshy and you are missed everyday. I remember you holding Giselle for the first time and you didnt really know how to hold a baby but I saw so much love in your eyes. Giselle kisses your picture everytime we show her. She knows that you are up in heaven watching over all of us. LOve you!Brittany Armes
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