I have, however, decorated Josh's grave site with a wreath and his tree with ornaments and red bows.
I want to close this post with a poem I found which is about how a grieving person comes to choose life.
The Thing Is by Ellen Bass
The thing is.....
to love life, to love it even
when you have no stomach for it
and everything you've held dear
crumbles like burnt paper in your hands,
your throat filled with the silt of it.
When grief sits with you, its tropical heat
thickening the air, heavy as water
more fit for gills than lungs;
when grief weights you like your own flesh
only more of it, an obesity of grief,
you think, How can a body withstand this?
Then you take life like a face
between your palms, a plain face,
no charming smile, no violet eyes,
and you say, yes, I will take you
I will love you, again.