Please use this blog to help us remember Joshua Lee Anderson, who made the tragic and fatal decision to take his life on Wednesday, March 18, 2009. Please post any memories or thoughts you may have in the comments.

Monday, March 30, 2009

A Bond That Cannot Be Broken

I've been meaning to share my thoughts and feelings about Josh with you all, but it's been so hard for me to think about and try to put into words. So many things remind me of him and he stars in my most cherished memories. I feel almost like a part of me is missing; like I don't really make sense in this world without him. I never felt out of place when Josh was around. I stuck to him like glue. I've never been more comfortable or felt more like myself than when I was with him. I spent a lot of time this past week scanning the pictures that we have of Josh into my computer, so that I will have them even when I am away from home. As I went through picture after picture, I couldn't help noticing how many were of just me and him. He really was my best friend. And even though we slowly grew apart in high school, I never had a stronger bond with anyone else. The bond that I shared with my brother cannot be broken by his death. It will live on as I remember the times that we shared in his short stay here and it will be made new when we meet each other again in heaven.

There are many songs that I've been listening to that help me through my grief, but the one that stands out the most is "There You'll Be" by Faith Hill. These lyrics ring particularly true in describing my feelings about my little brother:

"When I think back on these times
and the dreams we left behind,
I'll be glad 'cause I was blessed to get
to have you in my life.
When I look back on these days,
I look and see your face.
You were right there for me.

In my dreams I'll always see you soar above the sky.
In my heart there will always be a place for you
for all my life.
I'll keep a part of you with me.
And everywhere I am, there you'll be.
And everywhere I am, there you'll be."

"Heaven (Candlelight Mix)" by DJ Sammy & Yanou featuring Do

I love you, Josh. Forever and Always.



Emily said...

Gillian- What a beautiful post. Josh will always be your little brother. It's so true what you said: your bond is so strong that you can take comfort in knowing he is always with you.

Joyce A. said...

Those pictures bring back so many memories of you and Josh growing up together. I know the years have passed but that is how I remember both of you. Absolutely adorable, always together, always happy just to have each other, always soooo well behaved it was remarkable. I am so sorry you have to go through this. God will provide what you need, I know he will. Josh was very blessed to be your brother just as you were blessed with him . What special memories you have to hold on to, and they can never be taken away. I pray for you specifically several times a day, as I know so many others do as well. I hope you will find some comfort in knowing that.
I love you,
Joyce A.

Biggie-Z said...

Ok, I am sitting at my desk at work, tears flowing down my face. We miss him so much.

At the same time, I do feel he is still with us. I hope you feel that often.

Love you, love you, love you.

Josh's mom said...

What a beautiful video - it made me cry to see the special bond that you had with your brother. I know he is watching over us and you, in particular.


Anonymous said...

One quote and one poem I would like to share with you:

“Death is not extinguishing the light; it is only putting out the lamp because the dawn has come.” -Rabindranath Tagore

Do not stand at my grave and weep

I am not there; I do not sleep

I am a thousand winds that blow,

I a the diamond glints on snow,

I am the sun on ripened grain,

I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you awaken in the morning''s hush

I am the swift uplifting rush

Of quiet birds in circilng fight

I am the soft starlight at night.

Do not stand at my grave and cry;

I am not there; I did not die.


May God's mercy and love surround you all warmly during this very, very difficult time.

Tami said...

Gillian... That was such a beautiful post. Gosh i know you are hurting so much right now but please know we are all here behind you .
I love you soo much!!
Tami W.

Travis said...

i remember you two at camp and how josh would just would only talk about you and be with you and just care about you...but it was obvious that he really looked up to you and i cant imagine the pain that you are goin through.. i love you guys and i miss him soo much praying always for him and da fam.


emma jay. said...

Gillian, I'm so proud of you for posting this. I love you so, so much. This was a beautiful video. This is the Joshie that I remember and I'm so glad to have a piece of him in my heart and mind. I pray for you every day, and I really hope I get to see you again soon. I love you!